business time.

i haven't posted since i turned 26. since that time, i've done the following:

(1) i've seen two separate friends get married.
(2) i've spent time in three different states.
(3) i flew somewhere because i was in love.
(4) i flew home. it wasn't mutual.
(5) i sexually harassed a stranger (to be fair, i thought she was my friend. turns out she was a stranger).
(6) grew a mustache. shaved the mustache. grew another mustache. i'll shave it tomorrow.
(7) purchased 4 sticks of deodorant. i forget them each and every time i travel. girls make me buy new ones (well, to be more specific, the fear of being stinky around girls who might care).
(8) mocked a friend who made homemade pickles. ate the pickles. felt foolish. they were great.
(9) gave a presentation on international trade theory. ask me about the diamond model sometime at the bar.
(10) finished a problem set with a girl from kabul (yes, that kabul).
(11) found a marching band festival while avoiding a fluff festival. we will march on the 9th of october.
(12) updated my resume. trashed my resume. updated it again. trashed it. why is such a simple document so difficult to write?
(13) joined some clubs. met some people.
(14) started to exercise again.
(15) quit exercising. too busy (it beings...).
(16) i now wake up at 6 am everyday.
(17) does being interesting require you to be lonely? i've thought about this for at least a month.
(18) babies? nah.
(19) it had been three years since i'd seen one of my best friends in the world. she still gives great hugs. maybe the best.
(20) i'd become excited all over again. things were new and different. a week later, nothing was new and everything familiar.
(21) i moved to boston. i have three roommates, and none of them have jobs.
(22) i quit my job. i wanted to fit in.
(23) i baked cupcakes for the first time in my life (first time i've ever baked anything, actually... one time i tried to make a cobbler. it didn't work out, so i'm not sure if that counts... ultimately, the cobbler had better results).
(24) i had a stop making sense dance party in a hotel room alongside a writer for a jewish newspaper.
(25) i woke up listening to the wu-tang clan, went for a swim, and had breakfast at a spinning restaurant... it took me a while to realize the restaurant was moving because i thought i was just still drunk.
(26) despite all that, i still can't figure out when to go to sleep. i still can't decide whether or not things are going well, going poorly, or not going at all. though it's completely NOT the case, i still can't help but feel like i'm coming up a little short. i feel like i've been rejected more often than accepted. i feel like i've had more breakups than dates. i feel like i've cooked 2 good meals for every bad 10. i used to exercise 3 days a week, but i'd focus on the 4 i didn't. i'm certainly not sad, but i'm certainly not psyched. it took me 20-30 minutes just to list 25 things.

so far, school is good. i like my classes, i like my professors, i like the facilities,... but i can't help but feel like something is missing. all of my classes are lecture based, and all of my tests are multiple choice. it's all input with minimal output.

sometimes i wish i could just take a year off. the grass is always greener.

is there even such thing as a year off? i mean,it's still a year, right? according to me, i took three years off while i was in japan. i come back here and people can't see that. suddenly it was my career. people can't see it as a means to an ends. after all, it's not what you accomplish; it's what you can put on your resume. totally lame. there's a box for "work experience," but there isn't a box for "accomplished life goals. made it happen while someone else was scared of sacrificing something and taking a chance."

honestly though, school is great. i wish i could write a more positive post. a few days ago i was super positive. i remember going to the airport with my father and blaa-blaa'ing about all the opportunities i had, my 2 year plan, my 5 year goals, etc.

the problem with a 2 year goal is that it takes 2 years. i need to realize this. i need to start breaking things down into simple, manageable goals. or stop having goals. or both?

i really need to go dancing.